Lead The Damn Ride Without Starting A Parade 🏍️🔥

🚦 “It Looked Like A Group Ride… But Felt Like Babysitting Drunk Alligators”

Couple summers back, I got talked into leading a ride for a local meetup crew. You know the type—half weekend warriors, half Instagram models in leather.

Fifteen bikes. Four near-wrecks. One guy showed up with a bald front tire and a Bluetooth speaker zip-tied to his mirror blasting Nickelback. And me? I spent the ride yelling hand signals like I was landing planes.

By the time we hit the second gas stop, half the pack had peeled off, one guy was outta gas, and another took a wrong turn trying to follow a “shortcut.” It was a damn miracle nobody ended up in a ditch or divorced.

That day? It burned one thing into my brain:

If you're gonna lead a ride—do it like your reputation, your crew, and your pride are riding pillion.

🛣️ Step 1: You Don’t "Wing" A Group Ride Unless You Want Chaos 🧨

You ain't just riding—you’re leading. That means planning the route like a general mapping out a battlefield.

• Know every turn, stop, and bailout point.

• Avoid roads full of tourists and tractor trailers.

• Put gas stops every 80-100 miles. Even if you can ride 200, trust me… someone can’t.

• Account for skill levels. Don’t throw newbies into the twisties like a sadistic gym coach.

If you’re just “feelin’ it out,” that’s fine—if you’re solo. Group rides need a damn plan.

🧢 Step 2: Cap Your Crew—Too Many Bikes = Too Much Stupid

You ever tried managing 20 bikers with different riding styles, personalities, and hangovers? It’s like juggling chainsaws while blindfolded. 🔥

Keep it under 10 bikes if possible. Any more than that, split into pods—each with a lead and a sweep.

• First group sets the pace.

• Second group runs their own ride behind ‘em.

• Everyone gets to breathe and ride safe.

This ain’t a parade. This is a pack. Tight, clean, and controlled.

🧼 Step 3: Lay Down The Law BEFORE You Fire Up

Before engines roar and egos inflate—huddle the crew.

Give 'em the rundown:

• Staggered formation. Two-second rule.

• What to do if they get separated.

• Hand signals. Know 'em or follow the guy who does.

• No hot-dogging. No last-minute turns. No racing to be first at the bar.

You’re not leading just with your front tire—you’re leading with your voice, your eyes, and your example. And if that example’s sloppy, so’s the ride.

🦅 Step 4: Your Sweep Ain’t Window Dressing—It’s The Lifeline

Your sweep is your second-in-command. The guardian of the stragglers. The one who deals with breakdowns, drop-outs, or the dude who stops mid-ride to text his ex.

Pick someone reliable. Not the guy with the novelty helmet and zero spatial awareness.

Your sweep and you should be locked in like tank and tail. Radios help. So does trust.

🛠️ PRO TIP FROM BLAKE 💀

If you pull up to the first stop and half your group’s missing—you didn’t lead a ride. You just caused one.

Riding at the front don’t make you a leader. Bringing everyone home does.

🤘 Think You’re Ready To Lead?

Cool. Then prove it. Or better yet—hit reply and tell me your worst group ride horror story. Bonus points if it involves wild animals, unexpected detours, or a biker named “Toothless Dave.”

Ride Loud, Ride Sharp,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your leadership style is “twist the throttle and pray,” stick to solo rides. The road doesn’t forgive stupid.