Your bike’s off the road? Prove you’re still a badass 🛻💪

🚦 That time I strapped my hog to a lawnmower trailer…

Back in ‘07, I broke down on I-80 in the middle of f***in' nowhere Nebraska. Bike was leaking oil like a drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. Closest tow was 200 bucks out. So what did I do? Flagged down a farmer in a rusty-ass John Deere, lashed the Softail to a trailer built for a goat and a chainsaw, and rode shotgun with a guy who chewed more than he talked. Sketchy? Hell yes. Regret it? Not a damn second. Because it made for one helluva story. And now it’s your turn.

🛠️ Real riders get creative when the wheels stop turning

You know what separates bikers from wannabes? When the ride won’t run, we adapt. We haul. We bungee cord. We weld, ratchet strap, and pray.

Got a trailer you built outta a boat frame and beer guts? Hauled your bike in your cousin’s landscaping van with the dog cage still inside? We wanna see it. Hell, I once saw a guy roll up to Sturgis with a dirtbike sticking out the sunroof of a Honda Civic. That’s the kinda lunacy that earns respect.

💀 Trailers and tales — the good, the bad, the janky

Here’s what I’ve seen (and done) when it comes to hauling a two-wheeled beast:

• The Harbor Freight Hero – Cheap-ass folding trailer that’s half zip ties, half hope. Sketch level: 8/10.

• Pickup Pride – Tailgate down, ramp questionable, three straps from Walmart. Bonus points if it’s got rust and pride.

• The Van of Vanquish – No windows, sketchy side door, smells like gas and gym socks. Perfect.

• Kia Soul Suicide Ramp – You know who you are. That rear suspension will never be the same. And neither will your dignity.

🤘 Show us how you roll when the ride don’t

Whether it's a badass setup or something that should be condemned by the DOT, I wanna see it. Send me a pic. Drop a comment. Hell, sketch it on a napkin and tape it to a carrier pigeon if you have to. If your bike hauler doesn’t make someone laugh or cry, are you even trying?

Pro Tip 🛻: Never underestimate the power of a ratchet strap and a bad idea

If it holds your ex’s furniture during a breakup, it’ll hold a 600-pound bike… probably. Double-wrap that strap, wear your helmet while loading, and for the love of all that rumbles — don’t cheap out on the wheel chock.

Wanna see what other maniacs are hauling with? Or flex your own setup?

Then send it — hit reply, drop a pic, tell the story. The uglier, the better. The sketchier, the more legendary. I’ll feature the best (and worst) in the next email — assuming nobody dies in the process.

Ride strapped, ride stupid (sometimes),
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your ride’s ever kissed pavement because your trailer hitch said “nah,” tell me. I promise I’ll only laugh a little.