Dress Your Hog Like It Just Stormed Normandy 🇺🇸

🚦That Time I Rode Into A Fourth Of July Parade... By Accident

Pulled into town lookin’ for gas, rolled right into a full-blown Fourth of July parade. I was wearin’ a sleeveless flannel, my ride was dirty, loud, and mean—and I somehow became the grand marshal. I didn’t wave. I revved. The mayor waved back anyway.

A six-year-old shouted, “Mom, that’s America!”

Damn right, kid. Damn right.

🔧 The Freedom-Drippin’ Bike Setup Guide 🇺🇸

Want your bike to look like it could bench press a grizzly while singing the national anthem? Buckle up, brother (or sister)—Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers is about to paint your soul red, white, and blue.

🦅 Chrome Like Liberty’s Teardrop

Skip the polished hipster crap. I’m talkin’ mirror-sheen chrome that makes birds crash into your pipes thinking it’s the sky.

Checklist:

• Chrome tank badges (preferably with wings, skulls, or both)

• Exhaust tips that glint like Uncle Sam’s molars

• If it doesn’t reflect fireworks, it’s not chrome enough

🇺🇸 Flag It Like You Mean It

Half-ass flags are for half-ass patriots. You want Old Glory so big it creates drag at 80mph.

Options That Scream ‘MERICA:

• Sissy bar flag mounts (double stack ’em)

• Airbrushed bald eagle on the tank (bonus if it’s tearing through an enemy flag)

• Red, white, and blue tire smoke (yes, it exists—Google it, ya lazy outlaw)

🔥 Paint That’d Make George Washington Weep

Forget factory paint. Factory paint is for accountants. You want custom flames licking an American flag? Yes. Do it.

Pro Moves:

• Matte black base with blood-red flames

• Candy apple red tank with ghosted stars

• Tank mural of a war eagle dropkicking tyranny

🎇 LED Underglow? Hell Yeah, If It’s Red, White & Blue

Underglow is tacky—unless it looks like your bike’s being escorted by two fireworks and a drunk Marine.

Wiring Tips:

• RGB strip kits with strobe mode (make sure it cycles ‘MERICA colors)

• Sync ‘em to your throttle response—freedom flashes faster

🧨 Ride Audio That Blasts Born To Be Wild

Speakers? Damn right. Ain’t freedom if you can’t drown out the sound of electric scooters crying in the distance.

Blake’s Biker Playlist Must-Haves:

• “Fortunate Son” (on repeat)

• “Kickstart My Heart”

• “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” (for when you pull up to Prius drivers)

🧠 Pro Tip: Want To See Real Patriotism? Look At A Bike That’s Dirty From A Cross-Country Ride... With A Flag Still Flyin’ Off The Back.

Chrome’s for show. Dirt’s for pride. A clean American flag on a dusty bike? That’s poetry, baby.

🔔 Now You: Got A Patriotic Rig That Makes Veterans Salute?

Snap a pic of your all-American steed and hit reply. Hell, I might even feature your setup in next week’s “Road Legends” spotlight. Extra points if your bike has fireworks launchers (no, I’m not joking).

Throttle That Patriotism 'Til It Redlines,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your bike setup doesn’t offend at least one HOA this Independence Day… did you even ride?