🛣️ That One Time A Curb Ate A Grown Man Alive…

Saw a guy once — leathered up, chrome blinding, talking big about “owning the road.” Until he hit a slow U-turn on an incline and dumped his bike like a sack of bad decisions. 💥

Bike tipped. Ego shattered. I handed him a smoke and said, “Slow-speed's a bitch, ain’t it?”

He nodded like a man who just found religion in a pile of gravel.

🐌 Slow-Speed Ain’t Cute — It’s Survival

People think speed is what kills. Nah. It’s the crawl that gets ya.

At high speed, your bike forgives you. At low speed? That SOB remembers every sin you ever committed.

👎 One twitchy throttle = a lurch and a prayer
👎 One lazy clutch = stall, buck, and shame
👎 One bad foot plant = hello pavement, goodbye dignity

If your clutch hand ain’t trembling and your rear brake ain’t your best friend, you ain’t riding — you’re surviving on luck and lies.

⛰️ Inclines: Where Your Soul Goes To Die

Let’s talk about the devil's playground — hills. 🤬

• 🔁 U-turn uphill with a passenger? Might as well juggle chainsaws.

• 🧍‍♂️ Stop-n-go on a slope? Either stall or roll into someone's bumper.

• 🧨 Too much front brake downhill? You’re goin’ down faster than your last relationship.

Pro move?
🔥 Use the REAR brake like it's a love letter from the Grim Reaper — soft and steady.
🔥 Keep your eyes UP, clutch in the friction zone, and commit like you’re jumping barbed wire.

🛠️ How To Train Like A Slow-Speed Demon 😈

Want total control when sh*t hits the fan at 2 mph? Stop flexin' and start doin’ this:

🌀 Figure 8s in a busted lot
– No cones? Use beer cans. Trash. Ex’s old shoes. Whatever.

🧗 Hill stop/start drills
– Find a slope. Stop. Start. Don’t move a damn foot. If you can’t do that, you’re just a chrome cowboy.

🚥 Creep drills in traffic
– Feet UP. Eyes UP. Clutch in the sweet spot. Rear brake light touch. Ride like you’ve got something to prove.

🎥 Film it. Watch it. Cry. Repeat.
– You’ll see every bobble, every bounce. Fix it or keep starin' at your own cringe.

💡 Pro Tip: Ride That Clutch Like A Dirty Secret 🧨🛞

You wanna own your bike? Then love the friction zone like it owes you money.
👉 Keep your clutch dancing right on that edge — not in, not out, just there.
👉 Control rear brake pressure like you’re disarming a bomb.
👉 Never, EVER look down. Eyes down = bike down. Period.

😤 Ride With Control — Or Don’t Ride At All

Slow-speed control is the difference between respect and ridicule. And every rider knows it.

So the next time you roll out, don’t aim for 60 mph thrills — hit the damn parking lot.
Sweat. Grind. Practice. Look like a fool now so you don’t look like a victim later.

Or don’t.

Just don’t cry when a driveway slope breaks your spirit in front of six strangers and a squirrel. 🐿️💀

Ride Hard, Control Harder,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your rear brake’s squeaky and your slow-speed game’s weaker than gas station coffee, you know what to do. Fix it. Or keep falling. 🤷‍♂️