Ride Like a Demon, Not a Dummy đŸ’€đŸ”„

Your body’s a weapon—right now it’s jammed.

Ride Like a Demon, Not a Dummy đŸ’€đŸ”„

PLUS: Your body’s a weapon—right now it’s jammed.

đŸïžQuit Ridin’ Like a Rake Handle 🩮

🚩 That time I almost flew off a canyon road


Let me take you back. Colorado, 2007. Me, a Yamaha VMAX, and a left-hand sweeper that looked gentle enough to kiss. I was feelin’ cocky. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two? My body was stiff as a dead tree. Froze up mid-turn, panicked, stood the bike up like a jackass—and damn near met Jesus and Evel Knievel at the same time.

Lesson learned the hard way: your body ain’t just along for the ride—it’s steering the damn story.

💀 Why most riders corner like clowns đŸ€Ą

Here’s the hard truth, sunshine: most of y’all are leaning your bikes like Rossi but keeping your ass stiff like you're on a church pew. That's not just wrong, it's deadly.

You want to hit aggressive corners like a pro? Start by ditching that Sunday rider posture. There’s no prize for "Most Upright in a Hairpin."

đŸ€˜ What you’re doin’ wrong:

  • Locking your arms like a statue

  • Staring straight ahead like you’re trying to intimidate a deer

  • Sitting bolt upright like you're waiting for communion

  • Letting the bike lean while your body's still in Kansas

This ain’t just sloppy—it’s dangerous as hell. When your body fights your bike, your bike wins... and the road takes your teeth.

Mr Rogers Clown GIF

🧠 Body positioning 101 (for folks who don’t suck)

Let’s break this down like a bar fight. Three moves. Nail these, and the road starts dancing with you instead of trying to kill you.

1. đŸ§â€â™‚ïžGet off the damn centerline

Your ass should slide a cheek off the seat. That’s right—hang your meat over. You’re not married to the saddle. Shift your body into the corner, so the bike stays more upright and stable. Less lean = more grip.

2. 👀 Eyes up, head over inside mirror

Your head leads the body. Where your helmet goes, the rest follows. Plant your damn vision deep into the corner. Don’t fixate on the roadkill, the gravel, or your ex's memory—look THROUGH the turn.

3. đŸŠ”Inside leg bends, outside leg braces

That inside knee should point toward the corner like it’s accusing someone of stealing your last beer. Meanwhile, your outside leg anchors you into the tank like it owes you money. Control starts at the core.

đŸ’„ What it feels like when you get it right

You won’t hear angels singing, but you will feel:

  • The bike gliding like it’s reading your mind 🧠

  • More corner speed without more effort 🛞

  • Zero panic mid-turn—just confidence and rhythm 💃

It’s like being in a bar fight where you duck every punch and spill no beer.

đŸ› ïž Pro Tip: Stop riding scared

If you're tensing up before every curve, you're not respecting the road—you’re fearing it. Confidence comes from prep, not pretending. Go find a parking lot. Practice. Drill your body position until it’s muscle memory. Because if you wait for the corner to teach you, it’ll charge full tuition—with compound interest and broken ribs đŸ©Œ.

Scared Ron Burgundy GIF by The Late Late Show with James Corden

🧹 Still riding like a lawn chair?

Then get your ass up, adjust that posture, and start taking corners like you actually meant to be on two wheels. Ain’t about being flashy—it’s about being sharp, precise, and still breathing when you hit the apex.

Now go find a backroad and lean like you mean it.

Ride Fast, Lean Smarter,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your tires are chicken-stripped and your riding pants are clean—you're not trying hard enough. Get lower. Get meaner. And for the love of grip, MOVE YOUR BODY. đŸ’ȘđŸ”„

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