Weirdest Damn Places I’ve Slept On The Road 🛌💀

🚦 That One Time I Shared A Culvert With A Possum

You ever been so dead-tired you could sleep standing up in traffic? Yeah, me too.

Back in '08, somewhere deep in Arkansas swamp country, I lost a bet with a gas gauge and ended up pushing my bike five miles to the nearest “civilization.” Found a dry concrete drainpipe under an old logging road, curled up like a wet burrito, and woke up face-to-snout with a possum giving me side-eye like I was the weirdo.

No tent. No fire. Just a crusty sleeping bag, the rumble of distant thunder, and one of nature’s ugliest roommates.

And you know what? I’d do it again.

🏕️ The Top 5 Weird-A$$ Places I’ve Slept (And Why You Might Too)

1. Under A Picnic Table In Wyoming 🍔🌧️

Because wind was clockin’ 40mph and my tent tried to fly back to Kansas like Dorothy. That wooden table became my bunker. Bonus: woke up smelling like old BBQ sauce and regret.

2. Behind A Truck Stop Dumpster In Utah 🛢️🐀

Not proud. But it was warm…ish. Pro tip: If you're sleeping near truckers, earplugs and a high tolerance for diesel fumes are non-negotiable.

3. In A Porta-Potty (Lid Closed) At Sturgis 🚽🤘

Rain was biblical. All the motels were booked by 2pm. The thunder gods laughed while I spooned a roll of paper towels. I call it the Porta-Suite 3000.

4. On A Pool Table In An Abandoned Bar 🍺🕸️

Keys were still hangin’ in the back door. Felt like an invite. Slept like a king on that felt… until the raccoons showed up for happy hour.

5. In A Cemetery Under A Gravestone Ledge ⚰️🌙

Wasn’t even Halloween. Dead quiet. Peaceful as hell — until a group of goth teens showed up to smoke and chant. I moaned real low and scared 'em so bad one dropped a Monster energy drink on my boot. Win.

🛠️ What Sleeping Rough Teaches You (That a King-Size Never Will)

• Resourcefulness: You learn how to turn ANYTHING into shelter. Trash bags? Tent. Saddlebags? Pillow. Bike cover? Home sweet home.

• Humility: Nothing humbles you like brushing your teeth with rainwater and using a greasy bandana as a towel.

• Stories Worth A Damn: Nobody wants to hear about the Marriott. But tell ‘em about the time you woke up spooning a traffic cone and suddenly… you’re the life of the firepit.

💡 Pro Tip (From A Guy Who’s Napped In A Tool Shed)

Always keep a cheap survival bivvy in your saddlebag. Packs small, traps heat, and turns any ditch into a deluxe single. And if that doesn’t work? Whiskey. Lots of it. 🥃🔥

📣 Your Turn, Road Dogs

What’s the weirdest, sketchiest, or most ridiculous place you’ve ever passed out during a ride?

Reply and tell me. Bragging rights included, bruises optional.

Ride Fast, Sleep Weird,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If you haven’t woken up with bugs in your helmet, were you even on a road trip?