💣 Touring Setups: Who’s Got the Best Bagger? 🏍️🔥

🚨 One saddlebag. One storm. One dumbass mistake.

Let me paint you a picture. 2009. I’m barreling through Death Valley like the devil’s on my tail. The weather’s havin’ a meltdown, and guess what holds my left saddlebag shut for 800 miles? Duct. Freakin’. Tape. 🤦‍♂️💀

Inside that saddlebag? Half a tool roll, a soaked hoodie, and my dignity — all gone by mile 400. That was the day I stopped caring about shiny chrome and started caring about not dying in the desert without pants or pliers.

So I ask you — is your bagger built for battle or just built to get likes from dudes named Chad on Instagram? 😤📸

🧨 The difference between a badass and a poser is what’s in their bags

We’re not talkin’ cup holders and chrome farkles. I’m talkin' if-the-zombie-apocalypse-happened-on-this-ride-would-you-survive kinda setups. 🧟‍♂️🔧

🔧 Tools or tears — your call

• Full tool roll that ain’t from Walmart 🛠️

• Tire plug kit + mini compressor 💨

• Zip ties, fuses, duct tape — the holy f’n trinity 🙌

• Spare clutch cable — ever snapped one in a thunderstorm? I have. Don’t recommend. ⚡

💩 No one cares about your symmetrical pack job

• Dry bags inside your hard bags — ‘cause factory “weatherproof” means you’re screwed 🌧️

• Tank bag with snacks, blade, and brass knuckles (kidding... sorta) 🍫🗡️👊

• Weight distribution — don’t be the clown dragging ass like a sick donkey 🐴💥

🔋 Don’t ride blind or battery-dead

• Hardwired USB charger — not that limp cigarette plug 💥

• Spare battery bank — 'cause your stator will betray you when you're 40 miles from cell service 📵

• Phone mount that doesn’t do cartwheels at 85 mph 🤬

🤬 Comfort is survival, not weakness

Being comfortable on the road isn’t weak — it’s tactical. If your back’s on fire and your ass feels like it sat on Satan’s skillet, guess what? You’re gonna make dumb, dangerous choices. 🎯🔥

• Custom saddle or seat pad — your butt deserves better than a stock medieval torture slab 🍑🪑

• Real windshield, not that cute little sneeze deflector 🌬️

• Highway pegs so you can stretch without lookin’ like a folding lawn chair 🦵

🧠 No prep = no pity

If your bagger's packed like you're headed to brunch and not war, don’t come cryin’ when a bolt rattles loose and your turn signal flies off into a canyon. 💨🔩💀

Touring ain’t a Pinterest board. It’s a test. Every time you roll out, the road’s askin’:
"Are you ready, or just pretending?" 🛣️😈

🧨 Pro Tip

If your saddlebags are full of vibes and dreams but not a damn tool, I hope you enjoy crying at mile 237 when your shift linkage ghosts you. 🧰😅

💥 Who’s got the meanest rig out there?

Show me what you're packin’. I’m talkin’ full battle gear. The kind of setup that could survive a border crossing, a lightning storm, and a bar fight — all in one day. If you got it, flaunt it. 😎📸

And if you’re still rockin’ stock pegs and a prayer, get your sh*t together, brother. Scroll back, take notes, and for the love of greasy bolts — upgrade your damn game. 💀🛠️🔥

Pack heavy, ride harder,
Blake “Iron Sage” Rivers

P.S. If your touring setup can’t outlast a gas station hotdog — don’t even show it to me. Fix it. Then flex it.